Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
