Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
