census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
