Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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