we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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