ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
