i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
