I just threw up on my dentist
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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