i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
