pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
