508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
from now on my penis is your penis
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
