I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to stop coming to work sober
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
