Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
