I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
