Pappa wants mamma naked
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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