she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
