Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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