Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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