her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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