I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
