i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So squirting runs in the family.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
