You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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