I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
