u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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