That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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