his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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