it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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