Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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