proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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