This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
