Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
