Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize