i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
