just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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