she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
