Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
