11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
