He had one of those small greek statue penises
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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