So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
