Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
