"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
