Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
