This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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