i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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