You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
