She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
