When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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