it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
