break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
