Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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