Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They took my balls.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
