I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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