at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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