Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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