Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
