I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
