bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
