She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
