No stitches, just platelets and will power
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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