They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's just like the Real World with babies
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My feet surprised me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
