I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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