He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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