I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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