Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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