I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
