im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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