I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
