Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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