ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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