Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
